worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
