Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
