Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
