He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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