i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
