I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think a kid would responsible me up
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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