I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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