how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
