He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
