DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
