I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
