If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
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