she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
