last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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