For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
