the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
