There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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