I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you never un-have a 4some
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
