Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I cockslap morals
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
