lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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