1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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