If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
