So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
