Everything about him screamed your future.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
