her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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