she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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