Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
