I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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