We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize