Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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