I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
