sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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