She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
