We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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