He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
