Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
