Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
