AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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