i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
