Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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