she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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