This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
