Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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