ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
