you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize