I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
