thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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