so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
