the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
