Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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