i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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