I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
