I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Plan B is the new Plan A
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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