Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize