What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
