Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
