I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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