I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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