I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
