I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
