I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
