Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
