so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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