I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
