what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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