my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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