I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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