We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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