sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
