So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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