I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
