I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
