Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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