how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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