what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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