I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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