he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
