I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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