By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
