Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
