now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
