Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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