Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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