Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
