a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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