this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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