I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
