i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
