franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize