Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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