Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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