I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
