she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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