Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
