were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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