If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize