I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
